"Now Jephthah the Gileadite was a mighty man of valour, and he was the son of an harlot: and Gilead begat Jephthah. And Gilead's wife bare him sons; and his wife's sons grew up, and they thrust out Jephthah, and said unto him, Thou shalt not inherit in our father's house; for thou art the son of a strange woman. Then Jephthah fled from his brethren, and dwelt in the land of Tob: and there were gathered vain men to Jephthah, and went out with him." (Judges 11:1-3) The story of Jephthah is one of the most touching stories of heartbreak. Sometimes people walk away from us even when we don't want them to; or people reject us, abuse us or bluntly tell us that they don't need us to our face; or act in some funny ways that sends the subtle message that we are not wanted! That is the stuff of heartbreaks. Unrequited love is the greatest cause of heartbreak. But it is not the heart break that kills us, but what we choose to do after such a devastating heartbreak, How do you survive it when your friend, sibling, parent, child or even spouse breaks your heart?! .
Spouses also suffer heartbreaks in their marriage. This is why the love has gone out of some marriages. Two people can just be living under the same roof but the real connection has gone out because of one heartbreak or the other. Today's lesson teaches us how to survive a heartbreak and possibly save your relationship and marriage.
Could you imagine with me for a second how Jephthah felt. One day, he woke up and his own half brothers, people he grew up with, shared his entire childhood with, played and cried with; people he has grown to love and care about so deeply, people who knew everything about him - his strength and weakneses- he woke up one day, and they told him to leave the house that he wasn't needed anymore! Wow! If there was anything like heartbreak, I think Jephthah's heart wasn't broked, it was crushed!
His mother was a harlot, which means he had and knew nobody from his maternal side. He didn't even know his mother. All he had was his father and half brothers among whom he grew up. But he was rejected by them. The message here is not the heartbreak, but how he survived it! Here are three steps to surviving a heartbreak which Jephthah used and it worked for him. The Bible recored that his brothers and his entire kinsmen later came back for him, and even made him their ruler. Do you want to rejoice at last? Do you want to see that prson that thinks you are not needed come back and beg you to take them? Do you want to see that your spouse who treated you like you are nothing come back on their knees begging to be accepted by you, follow these three steps:
1. Get closer to God: one of the things that heartbreaks bring is the feeling of loneliness. Don't use that feeling to think about ways to revenge or hurt them back. Use that feeling to go to God in prayers. Allow God to open your eyes about who you really are. Jephthah refused to abandon God after his brothers broke his heart. Notice that before he went to war he went into a covenant with God (v. 30) which means he was very close with God!
2. Forgive the person: Jephthah had nothing in mind against his brothers. If you read that story very well, you will notice that when his brothers came back for him, his attitude showed that he wasn't bearing the grudges against them. If anything, he was surprised to see them asking for his help, and he didn't refuse their help!. This is important, love never ends. If you want to survive a heartbreak, first forgive the person who broke your heart, it is the only way to move forward. Jephthah did, and it helped him
3. Develop other relationships: When Jephthah was thrown out, he left! He didn't stand there crying and begging to be accepted back. He left and as the Bible puts it "...there were gathered vain men to Jephthah, and went out with him". Now if you are already married to the person who broke your heart, I am not saying leave them and marry someone else. No, but you can develop other healthy relationships in your life. Still love them, but don't make them the center of your life. Treat them as you should, but seek out healthy relationships that will help you grow and survive the hurt. Jephthah used the most unlikely people to build a comeback. He teamed up with vain men, society rejects. Another translations called them "worthless men". Personally I like to think of it thatJephthah started started a foundation for abandoned people! He called together people who had suffered the same fate as he did. And soon enough they all rebuilt their lives and became a strong army. You could join a group that promotes healthy relationships if there is one around you. You could become more useful in the church or a volunteer group. Don't retreat into yourself to brood over your heartbreak. It is the time to spread yourself and enage in services that will help build up other people.
May God help you as you survive that heartbreak in Jesus name. Amen